Marriage and Parenting Written 1/26/14

Maybe a week ago, a friend on Facebook posted a link to an article entitled "I Look Down on Young Women with Husbands and Kids and I'm Not Sorry" written by a blogist Amy Glass (Link: http://thoughtcatalog.com/amy-glass/2014/01/i-look-down-on-young-women-with-husbands-and-kids-and-im-not-sorry/).  When I saw the blog post and read it for the first time, I was outraged.  I was married at 20, pregnant with EG at 22, had her at 23, and am now pregnant with S at 25.  I am the exact woman she claims to look down on.

As the comments popped up underneath the "share", there were numerous just as outraged as I was. However, the more I thought about it the less mad I became.  My next thought was pity.  Pity that this young woman has never experienced the love and understanding of a husband.  Pity that she has never experienced her husband seeing his daughters on an ultrasound for the first time.  Pity that she has never experienced a little one look up at her, give her a hug, and tell her "I'll miss you" as her daddy takes her to Mimi's overnight.  Pity that she has never experienced a little one wrapping her arms around her neck and hearing that little one say "I love you, mumum."  I could name over a thousand experiences that make me pity this woman.  

As I continued to ponder this blog, I had a realization that she was right.  Now, hang onto your britches.  I do not mean that I look down on anyone.  I do not condemn any woman for being able to choose to be a stay at home mom.  However, Glass says in her blog post that getting married and having children are not accomplishments.  She's right.  In my opinion, they are blessings.

So what are accomplishments?  Anyone can get married and have children.  She's aboslutely right.  Walking down the aisle is not an accomplishment. We see lots of marriages begin and end.  Sticking with that said marriage through the ups and downs and working through your problems, and loving your spouse every day for the rest of your life are accomplishments.  Birthing a child is not an accomplishment (a miracle from God, absolutely!).  We see lots of women having children.  Raising them to be independent, successful, respectful, and responsible human beings...now that is an accomplishment.

Whenever I think about my roles in life, I am a mother, wife, and teacher...in that order! The small things that come with these roles such as cooking dinner, picking up toys, writing lesson plans are not accomplishments to me.  They are a part of the roles that I chose for MY LIFE.  However, having my husband by my side after almost 10 years of being together...yep that's an accomplishment.  However, having EG speak in full sentences and name her colors and shapes...yep those are accomplishments.  However, seeing a student have a light bulb moment after struggling with a concept for weekks...yep that's an accomplishment.

So the next time Glass hitchhikes across Asia or earns a promotion, go ahead throw a party!  Those are reasons to celebrate, too.  However, if one of my friends decides they're going to walk down the aisle or are having a baby, you can bet your rear end this gal will be throwing a shower!  These are reasons to celebrate and shower that friend with love and support!  They have chosen a role in life that will be filled with blessings and accomplishments, not to mention a lot of hard work! 

The Arrival of S <3

It's been awhile dearest blog.  January was months ago (6 short sweet months).  So what has the Shifflett family been up to?

Well nesting hit hard and so did life.  We had lots of snow days from school so our days were extended.  Each snow day, EG and I spent every precious moment together.  We played, we crafted, we baked, we snuggled.  I knew her time as an only child was limited.  While I was super excited for S's arrival, I was also scared.  I wasn't exactly sure how she was going to fit into our lives, how she would affect Emma Grace, how I'd ever have enough love and time for two.  With all of those feelings and pregnancy hormones, I was one exhausted momma.  I nested, I loved, I poured myself into my long-term substitute maternity plans.  LOL.

February was busy, and so was March for that matter.  We celebrated Jeffrey's birthday, Valentines', our 10th anniversary for our first date.  We saw S on 3D ultrasound and learned she had quite the grumpy face but loved hearing her sister's voice.  We celebrated as Jeffrey's momma get remarried.  Our friends' little girl turned 2.  A friend at work had her first baby, a darling baby boy.  We had spring break from school.  EG and I spent the whole week together, having a ball.  We did an extra Little Gym class, went for ice cream, fed the goats at Yoder's, went for smoothies, built a bear at Build a Bear, did a little shopping.  Spring break also introduced the month of April.

We had a darling "Sprinkle" Easter weekend on the 19th of April to celebrate S.  It was perfect.  Low key, laid back, and had ice cream.  Wow, did I crave sweets like crazy with Miss S, especially ice cream.  We received lots of diapers and wipes and lots of advice for having two little ones.  We celebrated Easter the next day with family.  

EG, S, and I on Easter Sunday... <3  37 Weeks Pregnant

On Wednesday of that week (the 23rd), I had my 38 week check up.  I was 4cm dialated!  The doctor gave no incidcation if I would go soon, and in my head I was going to go late with S just like EG (I carried that little girl until 41 weeks + 2 days).  I met some great friends for dinner after the check up.  We had pizza and it was sooo good to catch up with them.  

I left there and drove back home.  Jeff had picked up EG from Aunt Genie's, so I just had to drive straight home.  On the way home, I felt cramping and but figured it was from the exam.  I kept an eye on the clock and noticed that it was somewhat regular.  It reminded me of how labor started with EG.  I laughed at the memory and didn't think much more about it.  After I got home, I didn't pay much attention to it.  When I went to bed, I couldn't sleep.  The cramping was back.  I got up and started to wonder if this may be something more.  I packed hospital bags and finished packing EG's bag for Grandaddy and Mimi's house.  I woke Jeffrey and told him I didn't think I should go to work the next day "just in case".  I wrote lesson plans, texted my principal and my team, emailed plans, put in for a sub, and told them all I would see them Friday that I was sure it was just Braxton Hicks.

I sent Jeffrey to work the next morning.  I rested and played with EG.  Around 10am, I called Jeffrey and asked for him to come home.  At that point, I'm pretty sure I knew we were going to be having a baby soon.  Jeffrey came home and installed the car seat.  We had planned on spending the upcoming weekend packing our bags, installing the car seat, and doing some last minute shopping.  S had other plans.  At 12, we had my momma come on over to stay with EG and eventually to take her back to her house.  I cried leaving EG and hugged her tight.  

We ended up at the doc's office (it took us awhile to get there; they even called and checked on us!) and the nurse practioner said despite that I didn't look like I was in labor, she was sending me to the hospital (5+ cm!).  I was feeling contractions but I knew what I was facing this go around (or at least I thought I did).  I kept telling myself, go as long as you can then it'll be epidural time...it'll all be okay.  I was amazingly calm!  We arrived at the hospital around 3:30.

We walked the room, I swayed, I had to be hooked to monitors quickly (EG was an emergency c-section and we were attempting a VBAC with S).  We did end up with a mobile monitor which was nice but awkward.  I had two awesome nurses and one amazing doctor.  Dr. Kilfoil is new to my OBGYN's office.  She actually took Dr. Carr's place; Dr. Carr delivered EG.

Then, it was epidural time.  At that point, I needed it.  I'll be honest, I don't do well with pain.  It's like things go cloudy and I become "not me".  I yell, I scream, I can't handle it.  I can't think straight.  I am that woman that no one wants to hear on the maternity floor. HA.  The epidural went in great, the test medicine was fine.  I laid back, the anesthesiologist pushed medicine through and I waited.  Instead of the feeling I had with EG, only one leg went partially numb.  Then, my vision went blurry, my chest tightened, and I heard a lot of beeps but even my hearing wasn't right.  It was like everything from down a long tunnel.  My blood pressure and pulse sky rocketed then dropped out.  I silently prayed.  I was scared.  This was not what I had planned for.  

When they got my pulse and blood pressure normal (by pushing meds), I asked if S was okay.  She was.  They ripped the epidural out.  The anesthesiologist said it must not have went in completely correctly (no joke doc).  She tried again.  She pushed test medicine.  All went fine.  She laid me back and said she was going to leave me be for a minute while she checked on another patient then she was pushed the actual medicine.  While she was gone, it all went blurry again.  The response team was brought in.  I was hooked to an EKG.  All I could think was I wanted S, EG, and Jeffrey to be okay.  They got me back to normal.  I asked if S was okay.  She was.  Dr. K even got the ultrasound machine out and showed me to prove to me.  The anesthesiologist did not understand what happened.  Then, Dr. K and I had to have a serious talk.  How were we going to go forward...two options.  We could keep going...but it was going to be a natural child birth.  No epidural.  A possible partial spinal block was mentioned.  We could call it and have a c-section.  The anesthesiologist could attempt a spinal block but if it did what the epidural did, I would have to be put under.  These were not the options I planned for.  I always knew a c-section was a possibility.  I had prepared myself for that...but one where Jeffrey couldn't be in the room and I wouldn't see S for HOURS.  Nope, had not prepared for that.  So what did I do?

I cried. A LOT.  They kept telling me I was okay, but they didn't understand.  I finally found the words.  It was hard to say it outloud.  I wanted Jeffrey there for the birth.  We had to do this naturally.  So we did.  After a lot of support from my wonderful nurse and my wonderful husband and my wonderful doctor, and a lot (and I mean A LOT) of screaming and an attempted partial spinal that sent me into a mini spiral again (and did not work), we welcomed Shelby Marie into the world on Friday, April 25th, 2014 at 1:28AM.  She was 7lbs 7oz and 20in long and PERFECT.  

PERFECT.  My heart grew the moment they laid her on me.  I didn't get that with EG and that's okay.  When EG was brought to my head, we had our moment.  We connected.  Jeffrey held EG first and I came to terms with that.  It was special for him.  However, with S the moment was so different.  What I had with Shelby, I had to wait unpatiently for in recovery with EG. With S, I held her, I cried, I kissed her, I looked at her.  My heart grew in that moment.  In that moment, many of my pregnancy fears went away.  I knew we would be okay.  There'd be enough love, enough time, and I knew EG was going to love her fiercely.  I was AMAZED at what we accomplished.  

My undesired natural childbirth was a successful VBAC and despite the sweat, tears, and screams, I am proud of it.  I'm proud of us.  

**Sidenote: I also have to say that I'm fairly proud of the fact that my anesthesiologist said she could write a medical journal article on me.  I told her if she ever did, I expected a copy be sent to me.  We had to find humor in the situation somehow.  Dr. K and her to this day still talk about that night.  Both of my babies made their ways into this world in very memorable ways.  And I know every birth is memorable for any momma...but I mean this in a very different way with my little ladies.

A Themed Week

Last week seemed to have a theme in our household...growing up.  It was a very bittersweet week. 

With Shelby due in May and EG quickly growing longer than her crib-converted-toddler-bed, it was time for some big girl furniture.  

So she still may have room if it wasn't for our funny farm we MUST keep in bed with us.  :-)  But anyways, we had ordered a set made by Vaughan Basset (right here in VA!) on January 2nd and have been waiting for it to come in.  J got a phone call on Monday that it had arrived!!  We also had to be in town for a doctor's appointment with EG's pediatric uroglogist the next day...so perfect! 

So on Tuesday, we woke up bright and early and dropped the trailer off at the furniture store.  Traffic was awful and with my bladder, we made it just a few minutes late!  

EG was born with hydronephrosis, or the swelling of the kidneys.  They caught it on an ultrasound I had done at 41.5 weeks pregnant.  There can be many causes, some much scarier than others.  Thankfully in EG's case, it was from being scrunched up in the womb and she just needed time to grow out of it.  At our appointment, EG rocked it, especially for being almost 2.5.  She was patient, told the nurse what the stethoscope was used for, and took had her weight and height taken like a champ.  On the other hand, she wanted nothing to do with the blood pressue cuff or thermometer, told the ultrasound tech that his gel was "hot" (it wasn't by the way....just warmed for comfort), that the wand "hurt", and that she wanted to go play in the other room, and refused to even be touched by the doctor.  I guess you can't win them all.

We got the best of news Tuesday: no more hydronephrosis (none, not even a little bit!), no scar tissue or damage, and an exit ticket to not have to come back! :-)  Well, not really an actual ticket but some sweet good-byes.  So after 5 ultrasounds, 1 dye test, 1 pediactriic urologist, 3 ultrasound technicians, and numerous nurses, nurse practioners, and medical students, we are done.  I'm so thankful that she is healthy and her kidneys looked so great!  There's nothing more to say than: God is good.

We left and hit Target and Babies 'R Us to pick up a few odds and ends to finish EG's big girl room makeover.  Then, we picked up our trailer and furniture and back up the road we went.  We spent the rest of the day in EG's room moving furniture out, cleaning, moving furniture in, and decorating.  It took a long time.  

I loved how it turned out.  EG loves it too.  She was so excited.  We have much more room for our funny farm in our bed.  She has slept like a champ in her new bed, too!

On Saturday, EG had her Little Gym Mid-Year Showcase.  She has been going to the Little Gym since she was 10 months old.  It's an AMAZING place with AMAZING teachers.  I love the laid-back, let them do their thing attitude.  

She did so well.  She actually sat for most of the beginning, announced her own name at introductions, tried every activity including bear walking (see top right corner) BY HERSELF.  No one prompted her to do it.  And, she was so proud of her certificate, I thought she would never let it go.  She ran from J to me to some family we had with us over and over showing us!  EG will have to move up in age very soon from a Beast to a Super Beast (before Beast she was a Bird). 

When we got home, I had a hankering to set up the nursery for Shelby.  J says I'm already nesting.  

By the end of the day Sunday, we had it set up and all blankets, sheets, etc., and Newborn and 0-3 Month clothing was washed.  I just need a small shopping trip to finish it off, and we will be mostly ready for Shelby's arrival in May.  EG was very sweet about us setting it up.  She didn't seem to like that Shelby's room is now housing her old toys (some she hasn't seen in a year...but boy did we remember them!).  She doesn't seem to mind Shelby taking the nursery furniture though.  She told us, "Shelby sleep in there!" as she climbed the side of the crib to look. 

What a busy week!  I don't think things will slow down until March.  February looks to be a very busy month in the Shifflett household...it doesn't seem like it will have the same theme as this past week though.  Thank goodness, I'm not sure how much growing up this momma can take right now!  Although if it involved potty training, I would probably survive. :-)

"A daughter may outgrow your lap, but she will never outgrow your heart." 

  

Bible App and Strength

I downloaded the bible app on my phone and love it.  My favorite part of it is you can create plans as as well as the daily verse.  Throughout December I read about the Christmas Story.  I wasn't very good about doing it daily...that's my goal right now: to be able to read His word daily.

On December 30th, the verse of the day was Isaiah 30:31.  "But those who trust The Lord will find new  strength.  They will be strong like eagles soaring upward on wings; they will walk and run without getting tired."

As my winter break ends, that is what I needed to read.  I saved it and took a screen shot of it.  It was the perfect message.  You see, I've been very bummed about going back to work.  I love my job but my biggest love is being a mom.  Maybe it's pregnancy hormones, but I have been in tears over going back, especially when I think I won't be spending the days with EG.  I'm glad to know that I will find strength from The Lord and that He will help me get through.  

I need to make my lunch, read my devotional, and crawl in bed.  5AM comes too early.  I am excited to be able to share our news of a second little lady with my kiddos tomorrow! :-)  Very few of them voted for another girl...they mostly all said boy, so I hope they won't be too disappointed! 

Christmas Day is Here...

Wow...what a whirlwind of a week.  I cannot believe most of my winter break is gone.  It's been such a blessed week filled with love, family, and friends.

We started our break the Saturday before Christmas with our typical Saturday...Little Gym.  EG loves Little Gym; she has been going since she was 10 months old.  We've met so many great teachers, families, and other kids.  It's been so cool to see EG grow and learn through the things she does there.  She can even do a forward roll all by herself. :-)  

Saturday evening, EG went to stay with Mimi while I embarked on my annual shopping trip with my Daddy.  J was still in the woods hunting and picked her up after dark.  Daddy and I had a wonderful time catching up, shopping, and eating at the Aberdeen Barn.  Yum!  I'm so glad each year we go just the two of us...it really means a lot to me that we do it each year and have since I can remember.  

Sunday, we went to see Santa.  See the blog post entitled "Santa Claus".  It was magical.  

Monday was a very special day.  We are expecting our second little one, and Monday we got to go to the big anatomy ultrasound.  We found out we were having a very healthy...baby. We decided to keep the gender a secret until Christmas.  EG stayed with our good family friend while we were at the appointment.  While J went to work, EG and I stayed with the friend catching up for awhile and then headed home to finish our Christmas baking. I made Salted Chocolate Toffee Bark for everyone for Christmas.  It was easy and delicious which was a great combination.  We also made gingerbread cookies in the shape of either a boy or girl for our families to open to reveal the gender.  It was fun and cute. :-)

These were the bags! 

On Christmas Eve, I cleaned the house.  EG and I played and relaxed.  J had to work a half day then came home.  We got ready and went to my parents for an early Christmas Eve.  EG got a whole new bedding set for her big girl room, a LeadPad Ultra, a FurReal puppy, and a Doc magnadoodle.  As always, my parents spoiled her.  J got a new vacuum sealer (the perfect gift for a hunter), and I got a FANTASTIC flash for my camera.  I have been so excited to put it to use! 

EG with her puppy...she was so excited!  Grandaddy did good. 

EG with my scarf...she was obsessed.  We had to hide it from her or I would have never gotten it back. 

When we got home, EG had one present to unwrap from us.  Each year we do a package that includes our Christmas PJs, our ornament for the year, and a book to read.  This year it also included a Minnie Mouse that matched our PJs.   We set out cookies for Santa Claus and got ready for bed.  We read our new Sofia book.  I told EG she had to go to sleep so Santa Claus would come.  Her response was "Aw, man!"  After I explained that he doesn't visit unless you're sleeping...that was it!  We never heard a peep out of her.  She shut her eyes and refused to open them back up.  :-) 

This is EG in her new PJs holding onto her new Minnie. :-)

EG's 2013 ornament... :-) There's a string to pull and they kiss.

On Christmas morning, EG climbed into bed with us...we left her there watching Mickey Mouse and came to the living room so we could see her come down the hall.  I'm so glad we did it this way.  Her face was priceless when we told her Santa Claus had come.  

As she ran down the hall, she yelled "Santa Claus"!  I think she thinking she was going to find him at our house...however, she was not dissapointed.

She played with her Doc clinic for a long time.  She didn't even have an interest in opening anything else for quite some time.  It was so nice to be able to just stay at home and let her take on Christmas at her own pace.  She played, opened gifts, ate breakfast, then went back to playing.  We're very thankful that Nana, Grandpa, and Uncle Daniel all came to us for Christmas.  J and I made the choice that we wanted to have Christmas each year at our home.  This is our second year doing it this way.  While we've given up time with Great-grandparents and extended family...what we've gained is also equally as wonderful.

EG's Christmas breakfast

We did go to my Aunt Genie's much later in the day and then took a trip out to the nursing home to see Grandma Duff.  When we got home, we had one exhausted little lady.  She had a great day.  We are truly blessed.

Here was our big announcement:

We're having another sweet girl! :-) Well hopefully she will be sweet!

Since Christmas we have been relaxing.  We've put toys away and packed up some of our older toys for our new sibling. We went shopping with Mimi on Saturday and had dinner with Grandpa this evening.  

Mimi found some really cute matching outfits for our girls--wow! That still feels odd to say! :-)

To close...here is a picture of our EG from her first Christmas...

I cannot believe this was taken 2 years ago!  EG was 4 months (almost 5) for her first Christmas.  She was such a doll and tried to open gifts and giggled at her new toys.  Now, she talks about Santa Claus and tells us he says "ho, ho".  She names the ornaments on the tree and gets mad if she sees a tree without a star.  She LOVES Christmas lights and sometimes will yell from the backseat to "Wait! Stop! Go Back!" so she can see them again.

I feel like I have over-used the word "blessed" in this post, but it's the only way I can describe our life.  And our blessings seem to just grow and grow!  To think, that our next Christmas will be EG's 3rd Christmas and S's very first.  We will get to wake up to two little ladies enjoying the day!  My heart just soars thinking about it.

Thank you, Lord for the life you have provided me with, the husband who walks this journey with me, for my first born spirited EG who has taught me so much about life and love, and now for this precious little one growing and kicking inside me.  We are BLESSED because of you.  

Santa Claus

Today we went to see Santa.  We were suppose to go two weeks ago, but it iced.  Then last weekend, I was under the weather.  So that left today.  Cutting it a bit close, but we made it.  EG was oh so excited.  When asked what she was going to tell Santa, she replied "ho, ho!" 

We got to Bass Pro around 10:30.  Santa had arrived at 10.  Our ticket time was still 1:00! It's crazy how fast those tickets go.  It was nice though, because it gave us time to look around, grab lunch, and then do some shopping.  Little miss got a new camouflage shirt, daddy got a thermometer for his building, and me? I got two tackle box cases to put to use in my classroom! 

We joined our line, and you could tell EG was worn out.  I gave her my phone and let her watch Mickey Mouse while praying she wouldn't melt down on Santa.  

As soon as we made it to the final stretch, meaning actually on the red carpet in Santa's Wonderland, EG became a different child.  She was lively, awake, and ready! Yay! 

She loved, and I mean LOVED the talking reindeer.  Can you tell? She chatted and giggled with him for as long as we could let her. 

Jeffrey took her to sit on Santa's lap.  He said she said "hi Santa".  She didn't tell him "ho, ho", which could possibly be a good thing. Haha. She did smile for her photo but wouldn't look at the camera.

I think it turned out pretty cute though!  

I can't believe this is her third Christmas.  I don't want to forget these little moments.  Like talking with the reindeer, speaking to Santa for the first time....and even (and not Christmss related) shutting her eyes when she doesn't want to listen to you.  

Today was a bittersweet day.  While we enjoyed family time, another family said good bye to their 2-year old who has battled cancer.  My prayers are with them this evening.  May you rest in peace dear sweet Ellie. 

I know I held my child a little bit tighter today.  Today is a gift and tomorrow is not guaranteed. 

It won't be like this for long...

I've been at home for the past two days...ice, snow, sleet days.  It's been lovely!  It makes me wish for Winter Break even more. :-) My little one and I have been making a card for Santa, making a card for Daddy, building with blocks, wrapping Christmas gifts, baking muffins, playing in the little bit of snow, and painting toe nails.  We probably also did a dozen other things as well, with the attention of a 2 year old...haha.

That's right...2.  Since obviously I've had another epic fail at blogging, my fire cracker of a lady is now 2...actually 2 years and 4 months.  Hmmm, and we've bought a house, renovated and moved in within 2 weeks of closing with lots of help, and 3 days after we moved in...we found out we are expecting again! :-) Good thing it's a 3 bedroom house!

Anyways, back to our ice, snow,  weather days...So my fire cracker is constantly getting "boos", and as she fell out of her booster at the table when I tried to get her out (because we are Miss Independent), she of course got a "boo".  And what did she want? A kiss from momma.  That's it!  Just a simple kiss. :-)  Now this is a constant scene in our home....kisses for boos.  So maybe it's the pregnancy hormones or cabin fever, but it hit me...how truly amazing, sweet, words just can't describe that I can fix her biggest problems with some loving! I know it won't be like this for long.  One day, she'll have bigger problems....but I'm not ready for those yet and certainly am not going to think about them.  I think these simple days are a blessing from above.  And I thank The Lord for these days, as well as the sweet little girl that I get to call mine.

So, as all of this hit me yesterday, I realized I don't want to forget these days.  One day when there are bigger problems, I'm going to want to read about these days.  These small but oh so memorable moments...which got my brain racking for a way to remember...a Facebook post?  No, I'm already "that mom".  So I kept thinking...and today I was led back to my blog.  This time I have motivation. :-)

"This phase is going to fly by
If you can just hold on
It won't be like this for long."
~Darius Rucker