Marriage and Parenting Written 1/26/14

Maybe a week ago, a friend on Facebook posted a link to an article entitled "I Look Down on Young Women with Husbands and Kids and I'm Not Sorry" written by a blogist Amy Glass (Link: http://thoughtcatalog.com/amy-glass/2014/01/i-look-down-on-young-women-with-husbands-and-kids-and-im-not-sorry/).  When I saw the blog post and read it for the first time, I was outraged.  I was married at 20, pregnant with EG at 22, had her at 23, and am now pregnant with S at 25.  I am the exact woman she claims to look down on.

As the comments popped up underneath the "share", there were numerous just as outraged as I was. However, the more I thought about it the less mad I became.  My next thought was pity.  Pity that this young woman has never experienced the love and understanding of a husband.  Pity that she has never experienced her husband seeing his daughters on an ultrasound for the first time.  Pity that she has never experienced a little one look up at her, give her a hug, and tell her "I'll miss you" as her daddy takes her to Mimi's overnight.  Pity that she has never experienced a little one wrapping her arms around her neck and hearing that little one say "I love you, mumum."  I could name over a thousand experiences that make me pity this woman.  

As I continued to ponder this blog, I had a realization that she was right.  Now, hang onto your britches.  I do not mean that I look down on anyone.  I do not condemn any woman for being able to choose to be a stay at home mom.  However, Glass says in her blog post that getting married and having children are not accomplishments.  She's right.  In my opinion, they are blessings.

So what are accomplishments?  Anyone can get married and have children.  She's aboslutely right.  Walking down the aisle is not an accomplishment. We see lots of marriages begin and end.  Sticking with that said marriage through the ups and downs and working through your problems, and loving your spouse every day for the rest of your life are accomplishments.  Birthing a child is not an accomplishment (a miracle from God, absolutely!).  We see lots of women having children.  Raising them to be independent, successful, respectful, and responsible human beings...now that is an accomplishment.

Whenever I think about my roles in life, I am a mother, wife, and teacher...in that order! The small things that come with these roles such as cooking dinner, picking up toys, writing lesson plans are not accomplishments to me.  They are a part of the roles that I chose for MY LIFE.  However, having my husband by my side after almost 10 years of being together...yep that's an accomplishment.  However, having EG speak in full sentences and name her colors and shapes...yep those are accomplishments.  However, seeing a student have a light bulb moment after struggling with a concept for weekks...yep that's an accomplishment.

So the next time Glass hitchhikes across Asia or earns a promotion, go ahead throw a party!  Those are reasons to celebrate, too.  However, if one of my friends decides they're going to walk down the aisle or are having a baby, you can bet your rear end this gal will be throwing a shower!  These are reasons to celebrate and shower that friend with love and support!  They have chosen a role in life that will be filled with blessings and accomplishments, not to mention a lot of hard work! 

The Arrival of S <3

It's been awhile dearest blog.  January was months ago (6 short sweet months).  So what has the Shifflett family been up to?

Well nesting hit hard and so did life.  We had lots of snow days from school so our days were extended.  Each snow day, EG and I spent every precious moment together.  We played, we crafted, we baked, we snuggled.  I knew her time as an only child was limited.  While I was super excited for S's arrival, I was also scared.  I wasn't exactly sure how she was going to fit into our lives, how she would affect Emma Grace, how I'd ever have enough love and time for two.  With all of those feelings and pregnancy hormones, I was one exhausted momma.  I nested, I loved, I poured myself into my long-term substitute maternity plans.  LOL.

February was busy, and so was March for that matter.  We celebrated Jeffrey's birthday, Valentines', our 10th anniversary for our first date.  We saw S on 3D ultrasound and learned she had quite the grumpy face but loved hearing her sister's voice.  We celebrated as Jeffrey's momma get remarried.  Our friends' little girl turned 2.  A friend at work had her first baby, a darling baby boy.  We had spring break from school.  EG and I spent the whole week together, having a ball.  We did an extra Little Gym class, went for ice cream, fed the goats at Yoder's, went for smoothies, built a bear at Build a Bear, did a little shopping.  Spring break also introduced the month of April.

We had a darling "Sprinkle" Easter weekend on the 19th of April to celebrate S.  It was perfect.  Low key, laid back, and had ice cream.  Wow, did I crave sweets like crazy with Miss S, especially ice cream.  We received lots of diapers and wipes and lots of advice for having two little ones.  We celebrated Easter the next day with family.  

EG, S, and I on Easter Sunday... <3  37 Weeks Pregnant

On Wednesday of that week (the 23rd), I had my 38 week check up.  I was 4cm dialated!  The doctor gave no incidcation if I would go soon, and in my head I was going to go late with S just like EG (I carried that little girl until 41 weeks + 2 days).  I met some great friends for dinner after the check up.  We had pizza and it was sooo good to catch up with them.  

I left there and drove back home.  Jeff had picked up EG from Aunt Genie's, so I just had to drive straight home.  On the way home, I felt cramping and but figured it was from the exam.  I kept an eye on the clock and noticed that it was somewhat regular.  It reminded me of how labor started with EG.  I laughed at the memory and didn't think much more about it.  After I got home, I didn't pay much attention to it.  When I went to bed, I couldn't sleep.  The cramping was back.  I got up and started to wonder if this may be something more.  I packed hospital bags and finished packing EG's bag for Grandaddy and Mimi's house.  I woke Jeffrey and told him I didn't think I should go to work the next day "just in case".  I wrote lesson plans, texted my principal and my team, emailed plans, put in for a sub, and told them all I would see them Friday that I was sure it was just Braxton Hicks.

I sent Jeffrey to work the next morning.  I rested and played with EG.  Around 10am, I called Jeffrey and asked for him to come home.  At that point, I'm pretty sure I knew we were going to be having a baby soon.  Jeffrey came home and installed the car seat.  We had planned on spending the upcoming weekend packing our bags, installing the car seat, and doing some last minute shopping.  S had other plans.  At 12, we had my momma come on over to stay with EG and eventually to take her back to her house.  I cried leaving EG and hugged her tight.  

We ended up at the doc's office (it took us awhile to get there; they even called and checked on us!) and the nurse practioner said despite that I didn't look like I was in labor, she was sending me to the hospital (5+ cm!).  I was feeling contractions but I knew what I was facing this go around (or at least I thought I did).  I kept telling myself, go as long as you can then it'll be epidural time...it'll all be okay.  I was amazingly calm!  We arrived at the hospital around 3:30.

We walked the room, I swayed, I had to be hooked to monitors quickly (EG was an emergency c-section and we were attempting a VBAC with S).  We did end up with a mobile monitor which was nice but awkward.  I had two awesome nurses and one amazing doctor.  Dr. Kilfoil is new to my OBGYN's office.  She actually took Dr. Carr's place; Dr. Carr delivered EG.

Then, it was epidural time.  At that point, I needed it.  I'll be honest, I don't do well with pain.  It's like things go cloudy and I become "not me".  I yell, I scream, I can't handle it.  I can't think straight.  I am that woman that no one wants to hear on the maternity floor. HA.  The epidural went in great, the test medicine was fine.  I laid back, the anesthesiologist pushed medicine through and I waited.  Instead of the feeling I had with EG, only one leg went partially numb.  Then, my vision went blurry, my chest tightened, and I heard a lot of beeps but even my hearing wasn't right.  It was like everything from down a long tunnel.  My blood pressure and pulse sky rocketed then dropped out.  I silently prayed.  I was scared.  This was not what I had planned for.  

When they got my pulse and blood pressure normal (by pushing meds), I asked if S was okay.  She was.  They ripped the epidural out.  The anesthesiologist said it must not have went in completely correctly (no joke doc).  She tried again.  She pushed test medicine.  All went fine.  She laid me back and said she was going to leave me be for a minute while she checked on another patient then she was pushed the actual medicine.  While she was gone, it all went blurry again.  The response team was brought in.  I was hooked to an EKG.  All I could think was I wanted S, EG, and Jeffrey to be okay.  They got me back to normal.  I asked if S was okay.  She was.  Dr. K even got the ultrasound machine out and showed me to prove to me.  The anesthesiologist did not understand what happened.  Then, Dr. K and I had to have a serious talk.  How were we going to go forward...two options.  We could keep going...but it was going to be a natural child birth.  No epidural.  A possible partial spinal block was mentioned.  We could call it and have a c-section.  The anesthesiologist could attempt a spinal block but if it did what the epidural did, I would have to be put under.  These were not the options I planned for.  I always knew a c-section was a possibility.  I had prepared myself for that...but one where Jeffrey couldn't be in the room and I wouldn't see S for HOURS.  Nope, had not prepared for that.  So what did I do?

I cried. A LOT.  They kept telling me I was okay, but they didn't understand.  I finally found the words.  It was hard to say it outloud.  I wanted Jeffrey there for the birth.  We had to do this naturally.  So we did.  After a lot of support from my wonderful nurse and my wonderful husband and my wonderful doctor, and a lot (and I mean A LOT) of screaming and an attempted partial spinal that sent me into a mini spiral again (and did not work), we welcomed Shelby Marie into the world on Friday, April 25th, 2014 at 1:28AM.  She was 7lbs 7oz and 20in long and PERFECT.  

PERFECT.  My heart grew the moment they laid her on me.  I didn't get that with EG and that's okay.  When EG was brought to my head, we had our moment.  We connected.  Jeffrey held EG first and I came to terms with that.  It was special for him.  However, with S the moment was so different.  What I had with Shelby, I had to wait unpatiently for in recovery with EG. With S, I held her, I cried, I kissed her, I looked at her.  My heart grew in that moment.  In that moment, many of my pregnancy fears went away.  I knew we would be okay.  There'd be enough love, enough time, and I knew EG was going to love her fiercely.  I was AMAZED at what we accomplished.  

My undesired natural childbirth was a successful VBAC and despite the sweat, tears, and screams, I am proud of it.  I'm proud of us.  

**Sidenote: I also have to say that I'm fairly proud of the fact that my anesthesiologist said she could write a medical journal article on me.  I told her if she ever did, I expected a copy be sent to me.  We had to find humor in the situation somehow.  Dr. K and her to this day still talk about that night.  Both of my babies made their ways into this world in very memorable ways.  And I know every birth is memorable for any momma...but I mean this in a very different way with my little ladies.